The NEW Democrats' Oath of Loyalty

A variant of the following is making its way through the vast e-mail cyber-chain, so we thought we'd make it a little more poignant...

The NEW Democrats' Oath of Party Loyalty:

"As a party loyalist, I do solemnly swear to blind obedience to the following beliefs:

1. I am against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. I believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity;
2 1/2. I believe that the AFL-CIO created the middle class, not the employers who created the jobs.

3. I believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. I believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. I believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. I believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. I believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. I believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. I believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. I believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. I believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

12. I believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. I believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. I believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

15. I believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. I believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. I believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. I believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. I believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. I believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States .

21. I believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

22. I believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."

Stay tuned for the Republican Oath of Loyalty...